It took me three socks to make a pair for Christine as the first one was rather too large for her. However, I persevered and she finally has a lovely pair.
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
Tuesday, 14 July 2009
The big D word
That no one ever talks about - Depression. Well here's the thing. I'm depressed, I have been on and off for years. It goes in cycles and I can get years of being fine and then I'll be struck down with it again. When we moved here a few years ago I was on a good part of the cycle, feeling better and much more able to get on with life.
Since then I've failed dismally to get a permanent job, despite people I work with or for giving me glowing references. The girls are going through puberty, complete with hormonal mood swings, stubborn argumentativeness and sheer rudeness. The CSA has decided in their infinite wisdom that my ex doesn't need to pay maintenance despite obviously lying about his income on their forms. I've appealed but it's not worked, in fact, I apparently need to repay 2K he's overpaid! I can't claim for any money from the DSS or income support because I haven't worked solidly for the last 2 years - although I've worked for most of that time, part of it's been part time so I've not paid enough stamp I'm told.
To cap it all off things with hubby and I aren't the best. He's not been well for ages, in fact almost since I met him he's been on a downward spiral health-wise. It's had an effect on all areas of our marriage, including those people don't talk about. I've not been good health-wise myself so I guess I'm partly to blame. But he's cutting me out of things and won't talk to me about things.
But now I feel lost and don't know what I'm doing or where I'm supposed to go from here. I feel totally worthless, society tells me I'm not worth helping in any way, I've got no concentration so I'm not achieving anything craft wise which has always been a help when I've been depressed before. I'm failing as a parent cause all I seem to do is argue with the girls, I can't even manage to get to meetings at the right time - last night I turned up an hour late for one, completely believing I was on time. I'm overweight and heading in the wrong direction on the scales but I can't get the energy together to think about what I'm eating and even getting up the stairs can be a challenge some days, so exercise isn't possible either.
I'm so tempted to run away, but with no petrol in the car, less than 50 pounds in the bank I don't think I'll get far. Not to mention that the children will track me down. I give up.
Since then I've failed dismally to get a permanent job, despite people I work with or for giving me glowing references. The girls are going through puberty, complete with hormonal mood swings, stubborn argumentativeness and sheer rudeness. The CSA has decided in their infinite wisdom that my ex doesn't need to pay maintenance despite obviously lying about his income on their forms. I've appealed but it's not worked, in fact, I apparently need to repay 2K he's overpaid! I can't claim for any money from the DSS or income support because I haven't worked solidly for the last 2 years - although I've worked for most of that time, part of it's been part time so I've not paid enough stamp I'm told.
To cap it all off things with hubby and I aren't the best. He's not been well for ages, in fact almost since I met him he's been on a downward spiral health-wise. It's had an effect on all areas of our marriage, including those people don't talk about. I've not been good health-wise myself so I guess I'm partly to blame. But he's cutting me out of things and won't talk to me about things.
But now I feel lost and don't know what I'm doing or where I'm supposed to go from here. I feel totally worthless, society tells me I'm not worth helping in any way, I've got no concentration so I'm not achieving anything craft wise which has always been a help when I've been depressed before. I'm failing as a parent cause all I seem to do is argue with the girls, I can't even manage to get to meetings at the right time - last night I turned up an hour late for one, completely believing I was on time. I'm overweight and heading in the wrong direction on the scales but I can't get the energy together to think about what I'm eating and even getting up the stairs can be a challenge some days, so exercise isn't possible either.
I'm so tempted to run away, but with no petrol in the car, less than 50 pounds in the bank I don't think I'll get far. Not to mention that the children will track me down. I give up.
Wednesday, 8 July 2009
New Nooma Video
Our Minister uses Rob Bell videos in church from time to time and they are always powerful and hard-hitting with relevance for today.
The new video is available for preview for the next 24 hours and is no exception. Talking about the trials of Job, Rob speaks powerfully about our need to know why bad things happen as they do and puts things into perspective.
I'd recommend any of Rob Bell's videos, but this one is especially good for all of us struggling with the effects of the recession.
Grace
The new video is available for preview for the next 24 hours and is no exception. Talking about the trials of Job, Rob speaks powerfully about our need to know why bad things happen as they do and puts things into perspective.
I'd recommend any of Rob Bell's videos, but this one is especially good for all of us struggling with the effects of the recession.
Grace
Wednesday, 22 April 2009
Spring Harvest
In the twenty years since I last went to Spring Harvest some things have changed – Steve Chalke is twenty years older, grey haired and leading the big top celebrations rather than the teen sessions. Graham Kendrick is older but still as prolific with his songwriting. The venue was different too, Skegness rather than Minehead.
But despite the superficial changes some things remain the same. God’s goodness and love was still apparent in everything we did. From the little things like the atmosphere of everyone on site to the teenagers who picked my daughter up after she’d fallen over. They dusted her down, cleaned her knee and put a plaster on before helping her to where we were meeting. Teenagers I might add that I would have hesitated to talk to in the street – a lesson perhaps not to judge a book by it’s cover.
For me personally I felt as though I’d come a long way since that first visit, but also that life had come full circle.
As an 18 year old I was single, childless and had youth and vitality on my side. Now, some 20 years later, I’ve two children, rather more grey hairs and somewhat less energy than back then.
But God still spoke to me. He spoke about getting out there, into his world and his community, showing his love in practical daily tasks. Finally I realised the worth in all the domestic routines and chores I do. Showing God’s love in action isn’t some abstract concept, it’s in the nitty gritty of life. For some people it’s in the home, for other’s its at work.
But wherever we are we can find opportunities to show God’s love in action.
Obviously though, we need to share God’s love, not just keep it in a holy huddle in our churches, and that was something that was talked about a lot this week – taking church out into our community. The challenge is to get down and dirty with the poor, the needy, the lonely, the disenfranchised who live round the corner from us. We need to move forward from Hope 08, not get stuck in a rut, and so the challenge for us is to ask, ‘What next?’
But despite the superficial changes some things remain the same. God’s goodness and love was still apparent in everything we did. From the little things like the atmosphere of everyone on site to the teenagers who picked my daughter up after she’d fallen over. They dusted her down, cleaned her knee and put a plaster on before helping her to where we were meeting. Teenagers I might add that I would have hesitated to talk to in the street – a lesson perhaps not to judge a book by it’s cover.
For me personally I felt as though I’d come a long way since that first visit, but also that life had come full circle.
As an 18 year old I was single, childless and had youth and vitality on my side. Now, some 20 years later, I’ve two children, rather more grey hairs and somewhat less energy than back then.
But God still spoke to me. He spoke about getting out there, into his world and his community, showing his love in practical daily tasks. Finally I realised the worth in all the domestic routines and chores I do. Showing God’s love in action isn’t some abstract concept, it’s in the nitty gritty of life. For some people it’s in the home, for other’s its at work.
But wherever we are we can find opportunities to show God’s love in action.
Obviously though, we need to share God’s love, not just keep it in a holy huddle in our churches, and that was something that was talked about a lot this week – taking church out into our community. The challenge is to get down and dirty with the poor, the needy, the lonely, the disenfranchised who live round the corner from us. We need to move forward from Hope 08, not get stuck in a rut, and so the challenge for us is to ask, ‘What next?’
Thursday, 5 March 2009
Typical NHS
So, to set the scene.... Hubby (Robin) may or may not have something called Cushings Disease which is basically a tumour on his pituitary gland. It's 99% likely not to be cancerous and can be completely treated and cured - which is the good news. The trouble is that the symptoms (Diabetes, depression, weight gain round the middle and lack of energy) can be other things that people get on a regular basis.
Often it takes years before a doctor even thinks of Cushings as a potential issue (I've heard of it taking 20 years) and even once they've thought of it the tests take a while too. Given that Robin's been 'diabetic' for about 10 years now you get the idea of how long this is all taking. Our doctor in Bradford first mentioned the possibilty of Cushings three and a half years ago now and we've still not had a definative diagnosis. Robin had some tests done before Christmas which we thought were the last lot and the results took nearly three months to come through. Then we're told that they need to do some more tests as they're still not sure. Some of them Robin was able to do at home which was great, but there were some which involved taking blood at midnight which needed to be done in hospital.
All well and good you might think... except it took them three weeks to find a bed for him at hospital to take him in to do the tests. The idea was that he would be in for two nights and on the second night they would take the blood at midnight having given him some tablets during the day.
I had a text from him this morning, not a happy bunny shall we say. They took the blood out of him last night, but without giving him tablets. This is despite him asking nurses repeatedly thoughout the day yesterday about it... no one seems to know what's supposed to be happening. As I say, typical NHS really. It looks like he'll have to stay in tonight as well which isn't going down well as a prospect at all with him.
Me on the other hand... I might finally get a good night's sleep tonight as I'm totally shattered after not sleeping for the last two nights cause he's not been here.
Often it takes years before a doctor even thinks of Cushings as a potential issue (I've heard of it taking 20 years) and even once they've thought of it the tests take a while too. Given that Robin's been 'diabetic' for about 10 years now you get the idea of how long this is all taking. Our doctor in Bradford first mentioned the possibilty of Cushings three and a half years ago now and we've still not had a definative diagnosis. Robin had some tests done before Christmas which we thought were the last lot and the results took nearly three months to come through. Then we're told that they need to do some more tests as they're still not sure. Some of them Robin was able to do at home which was great, but there were some which involved taking blood at midnight which needed to be done in hospital.
All well and good you might think... except it took them three weeks to find a bed for him at hospital to take him in to do the tests. The idea was that he would be in for two nights and on the second night they would take the blood at midnight having given him some tablets during the day.
I had a text from him this morning, not a happy bunny shall we say. They took the blood out of him last night, but without giving him tablets. This is despite him asking nurses repeatedly thoughout the day yesterday about it... no one seems to know what's supposed to be happening. As I say, typical NHS really. It looks like he'll have to stay in tonight as well which isn't going down well as a prospect at all with him.
Me on the other hand... I might finally get a good night's sleep tonight as I'm totally shattered after not sleeping for the last two nights cause he's not been here.
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
Anglican Buddist Bishop????
Now, after three years of studying Comparative World Religion at University, I thought I knew a bit about religon... but today I see that the Diocese of Northern Michigan has just appointed an Anglican Buddist Bishop.
Don't get me wrong... I've no problem with either religion, I just can't work out how you can be Anglican (Christian) and Buddist? I thought they were mutually exclusive kind of like oil and water? Perhaps I'm wrong and one of you can enighten me...here's hoping!
Don't get me wrong... I've no problem with either religion, I just can't work out how you can be Anglican (Christian) and Buddist? I thought they were mutually exclusive kind of like oil and water? Perhaps I'm wrong and one of you can enighten me...here's hoping!
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